wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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