Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize