New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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