So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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