we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
