JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
