My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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