My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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