my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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