I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
there is glitter all over my balls
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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