Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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