I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
