Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think my tv is drunk
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
