If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
