Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
