Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
