Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
