You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
