You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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