honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
