i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You made out with two different species that night
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
how drunk are you?
Several
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
