I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
