my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
