Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
