I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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