I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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i just identified you from a description of your pipe
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I deserve this hangover.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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