we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
