my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
