My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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