This is the prime rib incident all over again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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