I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
