There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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