So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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