to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want to be your penis for a week.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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