Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
