Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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