Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
