I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
