I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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