i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
