Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
