Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
