i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
