Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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