I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
