I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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