Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
