i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
