Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
