Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
