when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
