he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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