Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
