Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
