can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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