He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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