Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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