Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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