distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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