Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
