I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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