i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
