dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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