Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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