It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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