You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
