You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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