I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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