YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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